This is a very personal post for me. I think weight loss and body image is a huge societal issue today so I just want to say that today’s post is NOT intended to body shame anyone. If you are struggling with obesity the first step is to love yourself. Only then can you change.
I will also NOT be posting any ‘before’ pictures on this post. I apologize to my readers, but seeing those photos still triggers my old feelings of self-hatred.
Growing up, I was a staunch foodie and nothing could stop me from sneaking out of my bed and making my way to the fridge at midnight, just to go through a whole bag of chocolates and ice cream. Not even the scolding I got in the morning, after all it was worth it. Getting fat isn’t exactly an ideal situation. Now, don’t get me wrong, it wasn’t as if I was super conscious of my body. But then again, I was a kid and had no idea how the world operated.
I still remember the day when I went home crying, after some mean boys insulted me because I was obese. However, I turned to food in my moment of weakness and even though I knew it was wrong, I just couldn’t help myself. After that, eating food became a luxury to me. I wouldn’t look forward it anymore and I hated that feeling. Every time I sat down to ate, I was reminded of the ordeal that took place a few days ago and I would feel guilty of how much food I was consuming at such a fast pace.
It was a fine Sunday morning when I got exhausted from the thoughts that kept nagging me and decided that enough is enough. I was tired of people looking at me weirdly, tired of boys not noticing me, and why would they? In a world of fashion and skinny models, I knew I didn’t stand a chance, but it still hurt.
The Beginning of an End to My Obesity
How I Did It
It wasn’t as easy-peasy as I thought. Well I knew that losing weight wouldn’t be a piece of cake (pun very much intended), but what I didn’t know, was that it would feel like dying (I might be getting dramatic at this point). But I had a goal in mind and I was determined to achieve it at any cost! The first thing which I did was go out and buy myself a beautiful size 4 dress which sparkled every time it caught the light. That dress became my motivation and made me who I am today.
After surfing through the entire web, I had made up an exercise regime and a diet that would not only help me keep my weight in check but also help me lose it without starving myself or throwing up.
My Nightmare: Diet and Exercise
Since I hated doing any and all physical work, you won’t be surprised when I tell you that exercising was the most challenging task I ever had to face. Not even high school was this bad! Every morning, I would press my face against the pillows dreading the exercise that was to come. Now I could ignore it, but the sparkling dress that hung beside my dresser called my name and I would think about how good my thinner version would look in it.
I started out slow, from 10 pushups and running for 8 minutes non-stop, I gradually increased it to 20 pushups and 20 minutes on the treadmill and so on. My body would protest severely, but my heart and mind were another case. My gym sessions lasted about 1-2 hours a day and slowly I could myself getting ighter.
Dieting was a whole other ball park. I never thought restraining myself from junk food could be so heartbreaking and hard. My diet mostly consisted of a mixture of fruits, salads, olive oil, brown rice and bread and steamed white meat. The nutrition that I was lacking, I fulfilled it by taking protein supplements, multivitamins and fish oil.
I didn’t check my weight for the first 2 weeks, and to say that I was elated beyond myself when after 15 days, I stood on my weight machine and it showed me I was 2 kg less. I still remember that feeling, the rush and excitement that ran through my veins at the prospect that I had accomplished something I never thought was possible: weight loss!
The End of My Journey!
Fast forward a few months and I was standing in front of my mirror, gliding my hand through the dress and admiring it on my body. A sense of accomplishment filled me to my very core and I thought I would burst from happiness. Gone was the girl who wore baggy oversized cloths, a girl with low self-esteem and confidence. It was replaced by a happy girl who could go out and have fun, buy normal sized cloths and enjoy herself on dates.